Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
