sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
