Buhtt sex?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
