totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
