we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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