I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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