A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
