Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
