I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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