Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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