Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
