They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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