the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
