Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
