just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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