I CAN MOONWALK!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
