I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
