I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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