i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
