For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
