It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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