Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
