Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
