I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
