I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this beer tastes like vomit already
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
