On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
