A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
