shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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