Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
