oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
