Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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