I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
