i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
