Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
