Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i barfeds in our rink
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
