So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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