It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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