One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
