so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
