I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
