my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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