The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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