Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
