So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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