It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
40s are totally the cure
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
