im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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