I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my shit smells like andre
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
