I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
