i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
