What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
